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The Howard Center for Human Services First Call for Children and Families |
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First Call |
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The Howard Center for Human Services First Call for Children and Families |
To contact
First Call |
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THE SECOND PRINCIPLE PARENTAL MINDFULNESS Parenting is the single most important and most difficult job in the world. For 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, for the life of the child's developmental years and beyond, an effective parent's job is never completely done. Because good parents who care may care too much, a parent may become overly mindful (fully aware) of problems, risks and threats to the child's happiness and health. Health in this sense implies both physical and mental health, including substance abuse issues. Although this over attention to negative risks may be a protective instinct, it often produces great anxiety and depression in the "trying-to-be perfect" parent. An anxious or depressed parent may have some difficulty being there emotionally for their child. Excessive or untreated anxiety and depression may also lead to self-medication by the parent, in which the parent self-medicates their negative emotional state with alcohol or drugs -- a situation that is never helpful to effective parenting. To produce effective parenting, a parent must shift the focus of mindfulness; fear-based mindfulness may be necessary at times, but it will not produce the desired parenting outcomes. Parents need to practice mindfulness (being fully aware, paying attention) in areas of positive thinking, feeling and doing. Today begin to practice paying attention and experiencing as many positives as possible. The selection of what to attend to should include both your past and present life as well as your child's life. Count simple pleasures and helpful blessings every day!
HELPFUL PRACTICE HINTS IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF MINDFULNESS 1. Once a day for only a few minutes sit quietly and recall a positive event of your past life. Be with it in full mindfulness. 2. Once a week do the same thing with a positive event in your child's life. Help him/her to make a mental picture of it. 3. If so inclined, get into the simple practice of writing positive experiences in a journal. 4. When you find yourself in a negative mood, be with it for a while. Notice it, then shift your thoughts to a positive memory. 5. When you are experiencing a pleasurable event, become fully mindful of it -- be fully conscious of its characteristics. 6. Work at mindfully pushing your love out to your child by being there emotionally when you are needed. Imagine how you look and how he/she feels when you are helpful and caring.
RECOMMENDED READING Kabot-Zinn, M. and Kabot-Zinn, J. (1997). Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting. New York: Hyperion. |
