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The Howard Center for Human Services First Call for Children and Families |
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First Call |
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The Howard Center for Human Services First Call for Children and Families |
To contact
First Call |
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FOURTH PRINCIPLE COMPASSIONATE INTENTION In today's fast-paced, materialistic world, the most difficult job of parenting is made more complex because post-industrial culture has conditioned compassion out of us. Our highly competitive and comparative society has made aggressiveness far more important than compassion. Remember, you are the adult -- you are the parent! To enhance your child's healthy development, you need to parent with compassion. Each time you interact, place yourself in your child's situation. Work hard to perceive the immediate conditions -- be it resistance, control, anger, freedom seeking, etc. -- in your child's experiential being. STOP! Before you act reactively or protectively, think of what your child needs from you right now, in this specific situation. If the need or desire is reasonable, grant it! If it is not reasonable, use every ounce of respect within you to discuss the options and your decision. Spend more time experiencing your child and less time reacting to her or him.
HELPFUL HINTS TO DEVELOPING A COMPASSIONATE PARENTING STYLE 1. When you are not in conflict with your child's wishes, practice perspective-taking with him or her. Put yourself in his/her place. 2. Note that your practice of experiencing the world from another person's perspective will improve empathy. Try more empathy! One approach to empathy is to think your way into your child's mind and feel your way into her/his heart. 3. Have open discussions with your child about situations you may have disagreements about -- but only when you are not in the middle of a disagreement. Help your child practice the important skill of compromise. Model this behavior often for your child. 4. When you feel stuck between a rock and a harder place, practice a little enlightened kindness. What would be the most kind (and intelligent) thing for you to do in this situation? Do it! 5. Listen fully to your child's presentations and rationales, even if you disagree with them. Check and paraphrase to see if you are getting the correct message. Is there any starting point to find some agreement? Start there! 6. When stuck in the middle of a deteriorating debate or conflict, imagine changing the context (time, place, etc.) of your concern. Would your concern remain if a different context existed? 7. Apply ample experiences of random, loving affection in your parenting. Do this no matter how old your child is.
RECOMMENDED READINGS Covey, S. (1997). The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families. New York: Golden Books. |
