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The Howard Center for Human Services First Call for Children and Families |
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First Call |
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The Howard Center for Human Services First Call for Children and Families |
To contact
First Call |
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THE EIGHTH PRINCIPLE DEVELOPMENTAL FAMILY COMMUNICATION MEETINGS A major problem in families where substance abuse problems already exist is often the lack of effective communications among family members. One way to improve family communication patterns is to practice family meetings early in the child's life. With very young children, it is best to form an expectation that there will be some discussion prior to activities. Later in the child's life make the meetings more formal and include the whole family. Although such communication meetings include both positive and negative topics, family meetings are especially helpful when problematic decisions must be made. As a child becomes an adolescent, the power balance within the family shifts; although parents must be the final decision makers, you must more seriously consider your child's in-put and desires. When you fear that what your child wants is too far ahead of his/her age, ask yourself if this activity is an appropriate developmental task. If you think it may be, consider giving your child more power in decision making. Do your best to link freedom with responsibility: the more responsibility your child exhibits, the more freedom you can give her/him. This balance will require ongoing re-adjustments.
HELPFUL HINTS IN THE FAMILY MEETING PROCESS 1. Use family meetings early in your child's life, especially when making positive plans and discussing serious family problems. One person speaks at one time AND all people give their ideas. Get into the habit of holding family meetings prior to or soon after important events and situations. 2. Family meetings can be used to make decisions or to re-group after a problematic, conflictive experience. Meetings may also be held to fully appreciate a positive experience. 3. Work hard at reaching a consensus on why a meeting is being held. Sometimes, you will have to simply agree to disagree. 4. Take turns noting your perspective. Others listen carefully. 5. Allow the person speaking to complete her/his statements before giving your in-put or decisions. Listen! Listen! Listen! 6. Never interrupt AND always be respectful. 7. Accept a person's position and rationale as opinions. 8. Never try to hold a family meeting in the heat of conflict. 9. Family meetings can't work as shams. Consider giving into your child's perspectives and desires sometimes. Also help your child to think of ways to improve (reframe) certain things she/he is not pleased with. You, as the adult, need to model good cooperation. |
