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The Howard Center for Human Services First Call for Children and Families |
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First Call |
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The Howard Center for Human Services First Call for Children and Families |
To contact
First Call |
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THE SIXTEENTH PRINCIPLE DE-ESCALATION SKILLS IN COMMUNICATIONS Maintaining a positive relationship with your child is imperative to her/his physical and emotional development. As children grow into pre-adolescence their dependence upon parental care and control is reduced, and their primary relationships shift from the immediate family to their peer group. In American culture the age of this shifting from parental to peer influence is becoming younger every year. It is highly preferable to develop and maintain an open and reciprocal relationship with your child; parents need to be trusted to lead, guide and love no matter how old the son or daughter. It will become increasingly difficult to maintain such a relationship if continued conflicts about control and responsibility vs. freedom and independence occur. There will always be some conflicts. It is up to parents to learn how to moderate these emotional arguments into communicated opinions and solvable disagreements.
HELPFUL HINTS ON DE-ESCALATION SKILLS 1. Stay calm, do not become trapped in the typical parent-child power struggle. Obtain clarification often. 2. Speak calmly but clearly regarding the present situation. 3. No matter how upsetting the content is, view your opponent as the child you have always loved. See deeply into his/her better self. 4. If you must confront an issue do it sitting down, preferably in soft comfortable furniture. If possible, have a discussion room. 5. Do not debate, argue or be contrary in the discussion. Never put words in the other person's mouth or thoughts in her/his mind. 6. Enhance equality by maintaining eye-to-eye contact at eye level. It is also a good idea to sit with equal, level status. 7. Use the one person rule: One person speaks the other listens. Then the role is reversed. Think carefully before you speak. 8. Position your body and set your facial features to be more neutral, never threatening. 9. Acknowledge anger and do not overuse your authority. 10. If progress is being made (solution or relationship) continue; if emotional escalation occurs, postpone discussion for a cooling off period.
HELPFUL SOURCES OF INFORMATION Kaufman, E. (1995). Psychotherapy of the Addicted Person. |
